thewillowtree: (Default)

I suppose this comes out of left field for those that only know me for my fannish activities, but this is my blog and I can do what I wish.

The core issue I am ranting about is part of a larger issue I'll tackle another day. For now, and with lament as some context will be missing for my ire, I'll focus on the specific pin prick that I'm tired of being struck with.

Many witches have reclaimed and sought religious figures, specifically feminine, from their childhoods/upbringings and seen them again in new light. The light of witchcraft. That's great! That's wonderful! I'm so glad.

However, if one is to mention Lilith, please. She is of Jewish folklore. She is not a Christian figure. She was never acknowledged by Christianity. Do not erase that from her when deciding to research/work with/what have you. I'm exhausted hearing people claim her as an element of Christianity "hidden" from them. You did not hear of her because she is not in the Christian mythos. 

That's not the main pin prick. That is a side mark linked to my main one. 

I see other witches claiming and working with Lilith, Mary Magdalene, Virgin Mary, even Jezebel. Yet, next to none will touch Eve.

Is it because you perceive her as weak? Unintelligent? A weapon used by preachers for centuries to feed their misogyny? 

Refusing to unpack that is feeding that sexism, in my honest opinion. Especially, if you will look at a figure in Greek mythology like Pandora and give her a chance in better light when she was used as an excuse for hatred/annoyance of women in her time.

Full disclosure, I come from a Christian upbringing. Evangelical specifically and was a pastor's child. I have studied and read the Bible cover to cover (most times by force, others by pure curiosity and research) in multiple translations. While having left the faith ages ago, I will speak on this from that background. 

The fall of man did not occur until Adam also ate of the fruit and blamed her and God for it. Not when Eve partook.

(important to note, she is not known as Eve at this time. but for ease I will refer to her as such)

In fact, Eve was not around when God said not to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. She does know of it though as she references this rule to the serpent though it's up to debate if she retained this knowledge when she was with Adam as one whole or if Adam told her after. Regardless, she reasoned with herself and the serpent and ate. Then, she gave it to Adam. Where was Adam? After combing through earliest translations, I've come to the conclusion he was standing right there with her not saying shit. And he, of all there, knew better and knew the rule. Yet he partook.

That is when their "eyes were opened" and they felt shame.

Oh, but we aren't done. When God confronts them and asks Adam, Adam says, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat."

Completely passing blame off himself. Where as Eve admits to being beguiled by the serpent and eating the fruit. 

Most stop their interpretation of Eve at her punishment where God declares women to have pain in childbirth and be ruled over by their husbands, completely jumping over the verse prior.

"And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel."

Please focus on "her seed." It erases man from the picture with the lack of his seed. The choice is very telling for me. If that is not enough, after all of this and their fall, Adam finally names her. And he names her Eve which means mother of all life. Yet, we are to believe she is this bringer of the fall and death when her own husband named her in the opposite?

I have confronted many pastors, preachers, and the like and have been escorted out of churches for bringing these details up when the misogynistic take of the Garden comes out. It has been used as a weapon for femme and AFAB people to see them as lesser and to place blame. I understand the need for distance and how one might not reach for Eve when searching for entities/beings to work with or study. But I am begging my fellow witches to reconsider their full abandonment if you are dipping into religious figures for your workings.

Lilith has been reclaimed by Jewish feminists and spread beyond as a woman of strength who refused to submit. We've seen other ladies in folklore and mythology go through the same (see Medusa). Yet, we won't give room for Eve? 

It is unfortunate most who I find who don't abandon her are Gnostics. Gnosticism, while fascinating (and hey, to my roscest lovers, you can see where XVI took some inspiration from) has heavy roots in antisemitism and is wielded this day by the same types. So please, if you research, remind yourself of this as you go (also I recommend Dr. Sledge of ESOTERICA on youtube for a variety of estoteric research, but his coverings of Gnosticism are wonderful). But you can independently take the time to re-evaluate and unpack this story and perhaps see this figure, the Mother of all Life, in a different light. 

It's odd in some ways for me to be on this rant, as I do not do any deity work nor do I care all that much in my own practice relinking it with Christianity. However, that does not mean I do not see this repeated injustice and wish for my peers to reconsider their stances/neglect. 

thewillowtree: (Default)

I'm in an odd state.

A dear friend has gifted me with a pile of doujins. Many of which are holy grails of mine since 2012 that was a fever dream then ever to own (a combination of my oppressive, sex negative, bigoted home life at the time and lack of funds). I cried when I got them. I thanked him countless times over and poured over the pages, feeling a piece of me I long thought shriveled and died radiate anew. And old wounds came back to the surface.

I've changed so much in the last decade (over a decade really). I've not only improved as a writer, but pursued it beyond my shame to something I'm proud to declare. I've grown and transformed from someone overconfident, to someone isolated and quiet, to who I am now. I've gained and lost so many relationships, escaped my home, got married, left and rediscovered fandom. 

This collection of doujin represents not just old wishes fulfilled, but the life I left behind in a way and why I left fandom.

And perhaps...that I allowed it to be robbed from me.

Robbed sounds extreme, but I find little else to describe it. Maybe one day, I'll pen all the details here for my own sake of archiving my recounting, but the events were as follows in brevity:

  1. I was far too young to have the following I had.
  2. I befriended the wrong people. 
  3. My fannish life was discovered by my parents.
  4. I had to purge it for my safety and my sanity, not just from my parents but from those I had loved and never should have.
  5. I lost all my RL friends as a result of all of the above.

Convenience was to let those experiences paint my entire view of fandom. To anticipate it happening again if I dared to step foot and open up again. To forget that one of my dearest friends I met was because of this time. Hell, even another friend (who is still a friend in my heart even with her distance and intentional silence over the last 5 years) was the one who introduced me to my partner. It's easy to forget and just hurt. I hermited. I hid away even after I stretched my legs back out after years into social spaces once more and read fanfic again.

I have my partner to thank for the final leap of faith to try again. And since, I've made new lifelong friends I've held and cherished for years now. Bad has happened, yes. However, every annoyance, drama, incompatibility, and tear was worth it. I'm part of fandom again. I'm not afraid of participating in fandom again. I'm writing, I'm befriending, I'm engaging... I am rediscovered and reborn.

So why does it still ache to see these books? I am free so I should be finally free to enjoy these.

I suppose I'm mourning who I was even if they had to die to become who I am now. They may be still in there excited to finally hold these and see the pages like they always hoped they would one day, but it's from an afterlife-- A post-mortem celebration that would have been more complete had things not gone to shit. But it had to for things to be what they are for me today. 
 

That and man, this pairing just does not hit the same way it use to... and that is a shame.

As It Is

Apr. 30th, 2024 02:16 pm
thewillowtree: (willow tree)

 Chaotic turmoil. 

 

I have 3 stories I am aspiring to finish before the FFXVI anniversary (53 days away as of this post) yet I have no confidence I will be able to as the days tick down.

Cream-Filled Part 2 should be the shortest and the easiest to crank out in a day if I get the time. The prequel to Belonging might end up being the longest and perhaps I should save it for after. And then the fic I want to have for the anniversary grows and grows every time I look at it. The cherry on top? I'm falling in love with yet again another AU idea that I'm dying to get on paper proper. However, it will be a labor of multiple chapters. When will I ever get the moment?

And I am stuck in retail, customer service, and IT hell. My hours have more than doubled and I'm left with a scattered, exhausted mind after every shift. I want to write, I want to write!! Yet, crawl into bed and rest demands my time. 

Can capitalism give me one break? I have not had one since November and would greatly appreciate the time to heal. 

Perhaps if I cleanse the apartment and take some time after work tomorrow to reset my sacred spaces, energy shall come to aid my muse and keep me going despite it all? One can only hope. 

thewillowtree: (willow tree)


I suppose I should christen this journal. So here we go.

In the last 24 hours, I have detailed and plotted out 8 Roscest fanfics on my To-Do list. I even bought my own dedicated journal to keep track of my notes (it's red leather with roses on it...wah...) I have plans for the anniversary if my work can ever ease up enough to get myself settled for it. As of this moment I have 58 days until then and so much to write....
I must post at least 8 more Roscest fics before the end of 2024...why? I have a petty aspiration. Currently, on Ao3 the ship post stats for the top 5 pairings are as follows:
  1. Dion/Terence (685)
  2. Clive/Cid (541)
  3. Clive/Jill (525)
  4. Clive/Joshua (472)
  5. Dion/Joshua (377)
Joshua/Clive remains 50-60 fics behind Clive/Jill quite regularly. Clive/Cid recently took over the number 2 slot from Clive/Jill a couple weeks ago and is going strong. And I would love to see, even if for a brief moment, Roscest overtake that number 3 slot. Just for the outrage, just for the pettiness. It can lose the slot shortly after, I just wish to witness my sin of an OTP overtake a canon ship. I apologize dear fellow shippers. I mean you no malice and hope that if such a day comes, spite fills you and you create even more.


This being said, I feel in my bones the love of longevity and ravenous passion in my neck of the woods. And yes, I have other ships I want to write for (my multishipping ass won't be able to resist forever...Jill/Jote and Clive/Gav my other beloveds just off the top of my head), but these boys have all my heart. They've ignited a spark I forgot I had and I see that spark around me with my fellow fandom dwellers. One that has yet to die after all these months and I hope for years to come.

I wonder what will happen when the new fans flood in upon PC release. Will harassment finally begin for those of us indulging? I hope not. How will the ship numbers change? Who truly knows. Will Roscest stand the test of time? I believe so. I want to play my part in that by adding to the numbers. To state my contribution loud and proud as a symbol of my adoration for these two that deserved a happier ending than they got. If that helps them gain a top 3 slot in my time here, I will be satisfied.

I know the numbers are not entirely accurate as on all shipping sides we have those translating fics across languages and reposting, but for the sake of ease I'll keep to the front face stats as my inspiration. I am bursting with ideas and WIPs. May my writing muse stay ever at my side to help me succeed in my mission.


Ffxvi Final Fantasy Xvi GIF - Ffxvi Final Fantasy Xvi Ff16 GIFs

Now...if I could stop getting distracted with my plethora of modern AU ideas that would require far too much attention....

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